Eye cataracts? No problem – get on the buses I’ve organised to Belfast to skip the long hospital queues here. Ukrainian refugees? Walk this way – I have a substantial government contract to house you! Need your car washed? Come to my service station. Fill the petrol tank while you’re at it. Need a government minister – you can count on me. I work hard and won’t be abstaining. A pint, maybe – I know just the pub in Kilgarvan; the brother has it. Plant hire for a building contract – no problem there either. A bed for the night…

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